Love Self-Pleasure

It’s time to forget unhelpful stories or beliefs that may have been imposed upon us in the past and recognise that self-pleasure (masturbation) is perfectly normal and can be a great way to feel good, relax, release tension, improve mood and generally feel alive, or even help you go to sleep! It has the benefit of helping you to understand your own body, what feels good and how to create the environment to get aroused – these are all of great benefit to understand for partnered sexual experiences too.

• Run fingers over the tip and caress with light touch, run fingers along length and around the tip – find what feels good
• Explore your penis – experiment with pressure and find stimulation points
• Vary your grip – gentle to firm
• Experiment with rhythm – slower, faster
• Testicular touch, caress and cup, firmer if preferred
• Explore touching the perineum or anus area if you want to.
• Explore with toys such as cock rings, vibrators or fleshlights (these mimic the feeling of a vagina or anus).
• Touch one or more areas at a time E.g. Penis and testicles, or perineum/anus.
• Use a lubricant or saliva for moisture

• Caress the vulva – the external lips to the clitoral area and above
• Explore the clitoral area – experiment with pressure, and stimulation points.
• Stroke through the clitoral hood and the area around and close to the clitoris – stimulate the clitoris itself if it sensitivity allows – preferences vary
• Experiment with rhythm and motions – circular, up and down, lightly pressing and releasing – find what feels good.
• Run fingers around the vulval area towards the vagina – caress the vulva and explore whatever feels good.
• Penetrate the vagina with fingers or toys (dilettos, vibrators or dilators)
• Touch one or more areas at a time – Eg. stimulate the clitoris while penetrating the vagina.
• Use a lubricant or a saliva for moisture

When experimenting with self-pleasure find your own uninterrupted space, take your time, and let your body do the talking. You can explore by discovering your erogenous zones and teasing these. Explore your nipples, inner thighs etc. You may experiment with different forms of touch such as hands, toys, oils, pressing against something etc. You can vary pressure and rhythm, try stimulating a couple of areas at once. Do you prefer the feeling of a lube? Do you prefer a slow buildup or like to climb quickly? Don’t be afraid to experiment – it’s your body so you can touch it however and wherever you like.

Some enjoy clearing the mind of all thoughts and focus purely on the sensations and feelings of pleasure – this is often called mindful self-pleasure and can be a brilliant way to get you truly in your body and connected with the feelings that the touch or stimulation gives. This is a particularly helpful approach to practice if you struggle being in the moment or get anxious with partnered sex as it helps you to clear the mind and focus on the sensations and feelings that the stimulation creates.

Desire and self-pleasure can start with a sexual thought or the stimulation of any of the senses. You may enjoy fantasising while touching or stimulating yourself. You may enjoy listening to something, watching something, touching something or even tasting something. It may be that you like the feeling of water on your body such as self-pleasuring in the shower. Perhaps you like to arouse via porn, read erotica or may enjoy listening to sex talk – you can explore apps such as Dipsea etc.